100 Minus 99 Ways to Drive Draco Malfoy Insane
by Ellie Fabgay
Summary: [One-shot, AU HBP, characters get OOC] Snape gets fed up with Malfoy and Granger's antics during Potions and gives them a detention. The tension is heavy between them during so when Snape leaves the two rivals alone for a while, a very interesting event occurs. WILL NOT be turned into multi-chap fic. Pls stop following for alerts.


Hey there everyone! Soooo, I haven't written or uploaded anything new on FFN in _years_; my bad. But I promise I've come a long way. I wrote this last year for Hawthorn & Vine's Reverse challenge. It was a reverse challenge because artists created their art first then we writers were assigned to a picture and had to write a one-shot based off it. My story was based off **itsbeenvery**'s "D/HR Potions Romance" so go to H&V (dramione DOT org) and check her out! She's very nice and quite talented.

So before I let you read the story, I'll just say that it's set during Half-Blood Prince but is still kind of alternate universe and towards the end Hermione gets a bit OOC to fit the story. Okay then! Let's get started!

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><p>Hermione tapped her fingers against the top of her desk, attempting to stare Draco Malfoy down. He had been unusually persistent with his insults and need to torment her today and she didn't know what to think of it. At breakfast, he had flung a bit of scrambled eggs into her hair, but Ginny quickly got it out and threw some back at him. The two friends shared a smile when they saw the egg fly right in between Malfoy's eyes. During their classes before lunch he was always right behind her, mouthing off about Granger to his friends and taking every opportunity to trip her, which only happened twice. Hermione had avoided him at lunch by sitting in the library and getting an even earlier start on her new homework assignments. Now they were in Potions together, the only ones in the classroom, simply staring at one another.<p>

Draco smirked at the mudblood as he continued to stare her down. They were sitting with two tables in between them and he wanted to test the waters. Wondering what Granger would do if he moved closer prompted the Slytherin to gather his bag and sit at the table directly behind her. Her brown eyes widened, but she didn't move her head. Draco chuckled and kept eye contact with her, hoping he'd win this staring contest. She seemed irate and agitated, but was putting up a fight.

"You're twitching quite a bit there, Granger," Draco stated with his usual drawl. "Maybe you'll have to leave the room and calm yourself down."

"No chance, Malfoy," Hermione said as she still tapped her fingers. "You seem more interested in me than usual today. Why the sudden change?" She grinned with her own smug smirk as he scoffed at her.

"I am _not_ interested in _you_, Granger," Draco said so sharply that he nearly snarled. Hermione simply raised an eyebrow. "So you can give up on living out some fantasy of yours."

Hermione laughed heartily. "Malfoy, you are truly the most conceited person I know," she said.

"I'll take that as a compliment. You're quite unoriginal with your insults."

"I could say the same about you. 'Mudblood' gets old after six years, Malfoy." She didn't let it show that the word still hurt her; well, she hoped she didn't let on.

Draco rolled his eyes and leaned back in his seat, his eyes still fixated on the flushed brunette. "Old habits die hard, Granger," he said, crossing his arms over his chest.

Just then, Blaise Zabini and Ron Weasley came into the classroom, glaring at each other before sitting next to their respective friends. Blaise watched as his mate and the Gryffindor princess stared each other down: Draco's angled face looking calm and smug and Hermione's round face looking flustered and angry. Ron stared at the two as well, wondering if he needed to kick Malfoy's arse.

"Hermione, do you want me to take of Malfoy for you?" Ron said, casting a quick glance in the blonde's direction.

Hermione shook her head and raised an eyebrow at Draco, challenging him still.

"Mate, do you need me to leave you two alone?" Blaise asked, wondering why the bushy-haired know-it-all was so red in her cheeks. "I won't ask any questions."

Draco scowled in Hermione's direction, wondering why he cared that Weasley was sitting so close to her. He wanted to turn his attention to Blaise, but there was no way in hell he'd let Granger get an upper hand.

"Blaise, would you kindly stuff it?" Draco asked sharply, giving the stink eye to Weasley before fully focusing in on Granger.

"Whatever you want, mate," Blaise said, looking through his bag.

As Harry and a few other students shuffled into the classroom, Hermione and Draco ignored all of them in midst of their silent battle. Hermione waved Harry away as he sat in the seat next to her at the other table and Draco flinched when Pansy gave him a peck on the cheek.

Suddenly, Professor Snape waltzed into the room and he quickly passed Draco and Hermione. "All of you can stop your chatting now or you will lose house points immediately," he commanded. He turned around to look at his two best students and raised an eyebrow. "Ms. Granger, what in Merlin's name are you doing?"

"She's being an absolute nuisance, Professor," Draco answered, still not looking away from her.

"I can see that," Snape said, rubbing his temple. "Both of you: turn your attention to the front of the class." When they didn't do as instructed, Snape slapped their tables loudly. "NOW!"

The two of them jumped and Hermione was the first to look at the front of the class. Draco grinned triumphantly just as Snape walked up to his desk.

"I win, Granger," he said with a smirk.

Hermione snapped her head back to glare at him. "I am aware of that, Malfoy," she hissed.

"Mr. Malfoy! Ms. Granger!" Snape warned with impatience. The two students glared at each other once more before focusing completely on their angry professor.

Later, as Hermione tried to help Ron correctly dice the ingredients for the potion, she could hear Malfoy whispering to Zabini about her. She tried her best not to listen as she continued helping Ron, but it was hard not to strain to listen.

"She does nothing but egg me on," Draco hissed as he diced the ingredient that Ron couldn't perfectly.

"You egg her on right back, mate," Blaise countered.

"She does it more," Draco said, sounding like a spoiled brat.

Blaise looked at him closer, trying to figure out what had riled his friend up enough to the point that he had focused all of his attention on Granger. Usually his friend would go back and forth nagging the Gryffindor Trio, trying to see who would crack first, so it was beyond odd that he was only worried about Granger. Draco Malfoy didn't approve of change and this was a mighty change that made Blaise skeptical.

Waving off his friend, Draco went up to the front to get an ingredient Snape kept only near his desk. He slowly handed a small vial to Draco and looked him straight in the eye. Draco held the vial tightly and stood still, hoping he wasn't about to receive a mini-lecture.

"Draco, are you asking for a fight from Ms. Granger?" Snape asked coolly in a low voice, not wanting the other students to overhear.

"Excuse me, Professor?" Draco asked.

"Don't test me or Ms. Granger, Mr. Malfoy," Snape said firmly, continuing to stare the blonde boy down. "I'd quite prefer not to have to watch over the two of you for a detention."

Draco nodded solemnly. "Yes, Professor," he said. He turned around and walked away to his table, scowling as he handed the bottle to Blaise. Blaise gave him a sympathetic look, but Draco merely scoffed. Why wasn't this his day?

Looking at the back of Granger's head, Draco watched as she continued to guide Weasley. Sometimes she seemed to get frustrated with the redhead, but tried her best not to show it. Draco would have put in a few words about how incompetent Weasley was, but Blaise would stop him, not wanting to be caught in the middle of anything potentially dangerous and silly. Draco then decided to simply stick with helping Blaise, trying his hardest not to glance at Granger's intensely ugly hair.

As Blaise went up to Snape's desk to give him their vile, Draco sat lazily in his chair, listening to Theodore Nott and Daphne Greengrass whisper behind him. Stretching out his legs, Draco's foot bumped Ron's just as he was gathering his potion into his vial. Ron jerked suddenly, splashing the potion in various places and dropping the vial into the cauldron. Hermione gasped with embarrassment for her friend before she glared at Malfoy, who was currently snorting and chuckling.

"Malfoy!" Hermione yelled. "You caused this therefore you should apologize and help!"

"I don't need Malfoy's help, Hermione," Ron muttered, attempting to dip his hand into the potion.

"What is going on here?" Snape asked as he swiftly walked over to the students who never failed to give him a raging headache. "Mr. Weasley, what in heaven's name are you doing?"

"Malfoy kicked me, Professor, and I dropped the vile into the cauldron," Ron said, looking up at Snape with fear.

Snape snapped his eyes shut for a moment, trying not to holler because he had been slowly losing his voice this afternoon. Opening his eyes, Severus Tobias Snape truly wondered why in the hell he decided to become a teacher. This summer, he would take a real break and block these maddening, incompetent, brainless children completely from his mind.

"Proceed, Mr. Weasley," Snape drawled. He was about to scold Draco when Hermione turned to the blonde and hissed at him.

"You should be helping him!" Hermione said angrily as she pointed at her friend.

"Why?" Draco asked with a scoff.

"You caused it!" Hermione cried.

Snape rubbed his temple, closing his eyes again. He would have to speak with Albus about switching Mr. Malfoy and Ms. Granger into different classes so they wouldn't have to argue and bother him at the same time. "Ms. Granger…" Snape warned, unable to raise his voice at the moment.

Draco looked at her incredulously as he stood up. Glaring at her, he leaned over his cauldron to stare her down. Hermione stared right back, wanting nothing more than to push him away. Pansy suddenly squeaked in pain, recognizing their actions as something deeper than hate and tension, but Draco and Hermione ignored her. Blaise came to stand next to his professor, moving his eyes to look from his best mate and Granger then to his distraught professor.

"I did not!" Draco yelled.

Hermione furrowed her brow. "Yes you did!"

"No, I did NOT!"

"Yes, you DID!"

"NO, I DID—"

"Stop this childish bickering _AT ONCE_!" Snape finally yelled, finding his vocal chords to be working just fine. His two best students who had just been acting no better than silly five year olds quickly looked in his direction. Snape glared at them. "Two hour detention tonight for both of you. And if I hear you two continuing this during that time, it will a week's worth of that."

Draco and Hermione glared at each other at the same time before nodded slowly. "Yes, Professor," they replid at the same time.

That night, after dinner, Hermione and Draco were writing essays for Snape instead of cleaning cauldrons. Hermione sat at the table directly in front of Snape while Draco sat at the table in the closest to the corner. Snape enjoyed the peace and quiet while he tested out the potions his students had made that day as the two students attempted to keep their grumbles of protest to themselves. Hermione was trying to write an essay about the disadvantages of knowing everything and Draco was trying to write about the advantages of helping others and being considerate. Draco had chosen Hermione's topic while Hermione had chosen Draco's and Snape couldn't find topics more fitting for either student.

Snape glared at the door as it creaked open to reveal the face of Albus Dumbledore. Snape sighed and stood up before Albus even spoke, sauntering – well, it looked like sauntering to Hermione – over to the old man. Snape quickly turned around to glare at the two. "If I hear anything that sounds even remotely like physical harm, I can have you both suspended or expelled in moments," he threatened.

"Yes Professor," they replied together and Snape left the room, slamming the door behind him.

Hermione jumped in her seat and turned to glance at Draco, who was now leaning back in his chair, ignoring his essay. Seeing him smirk at her, she turned around and stared at her essay with a huff of annoyance. The detention had barely been happening for an hour and Hermione didn't know how much longer she could last. Draco hated it as well, but he was certainly going to use this small amount of time to torture the girl further.

"I can see you tensing up there, Granger," he said casually. "Whatever could be on your mind?"

"I'm thinking of all the ways I can torture you to insanity without the use of magic," Hermione sputtered out quickly in her fury, unable to focus on her essay anymore.

"How many ways have you come up with?" Draco asked with a hearty laugh.

"Close to a hundred," Hermione said, snapping her head around to look at him.

Draco slowly stopped laughing as he noticed the undeniable fury in her eyes. Her eyes were usually a moderate amber color that reminded him of a field of wheat, but with her fury, they seemed to be a shade or two darker. Her cheeks were flushed as always when they argued and the way her lips parted then clamped back together in a thin line reminded him of Daphne Greengrass when she was angry. Since when did Granger resemble Daphne?

"You look like a deer caught in the headlights, Malfoy," Hermione said, seeming to relax slightly.

Draco shook his head, taking himself out of his trance. "Excuse me, Granger?"

Hermione chuckled and rolled her eyes. "It's a muggle saying, you wouldn't understand."

Draco rolled his eyes as well. "I'd prefer it if you refrained from quoting muggles in my presence," he said tapping his fingers against the table.

"Fine," Hermione agreed.

"Fine," Draco repeated.

They looked away from each other and somehow, Hermione felt knots in her stomach. They were the same knots she felt whenever Ron was all over Lavender Brown … no, it couldn't be! There was no way she had any romantic feelings for Draco freaking Malfoy. She slowly turned her head back in his direction and when their eyes connected, Hermione couldn't look away again. Those stormy gray orbs of his were positively mesmerizing; how did she not notice it before? And the way his lengthening hair fell over his eyes was almost … erotic. Hermione shuddered visibly and Draco arched a perfectly sculpted eyebrow.

"Overcome by hate, Granger?" he asked with interest.

"More like lust," Hermione muttered, hoping he wouldn't hear her.

"What did you say, Granger? Didn't your mother ever tell you not to mutter under your breath?" Draco chuckled softly, combing a hand through his soft hair.

Hermione's expression softened as she slumped a bit. "Malfoy, what you do if I … kissed you?" she asked hesitantly, entwining her fingers together in maddening anticipation.

Draco suddenly broke out into a cough, watching as she slowly stood up and walked towards him. No, she wasn't walking, she was gliding, and there was an intense curiosity in her eyes. He didn't say anything as he stared at her, leaning back farther into his chair as she got closer. Suddenly, her nose was merely a centimeter away from his and her lips puckered and her eyelids slowly drooped. Draco's eyes widened in surprise as Hermione kissed him and it took him a few moments before he kissed her back. She rested her hands on his wrists in a tight grip and her slowly snaked his arms around her waist.

Draco was the first to pull away and he stared at her weirdly, wondering what had just happened. "Granger, what …" he trailed off, drawing a blank. Hermione smirked and stroked his skin. He groaned and leaned back again. "You're driving me bonkers today!"

Hermione laughed and chastely kissed him. "Well, that's one of the hundred ways to drive you insane," she whispered. Draco laughed in spite of himself. "Do you want to see more?"

"I think I'd prefer to keep doing this," he whispered, smirking back at leaning in for a much more passionate kiss.

Fifteen minutes later, Snape barged into the room and slapped his palm to his forehead. Hermione was straddling Draco's lap, her hands combing expertly through his hair and his hands sneaking underneath her sweater, no doubt trying to take off her bra. They were kissing and it sounded quite heavy. Since when did those two decide to suck each other's faces off? "For fuck's sake," he cried.

There was no way in hell he'd allow anymore shared detentions.

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><p>Read and review please? And tell me if you think it'd be a cool idea to make a spin-off story focusing on the other 99 ways to drive Malfoy insane. ;)<p> 


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